Cell Talking With Child

For a stay-at-home Mom/Dad, a cell phone is critical; it is a link to the adult world during an at least eight-hour shift in Kidland. While Kidland can be a fun place for a while, it is sometimes necessary to have a dose of adult conversation, enter the cell phone. Because cell phones are always with you, it is possible, for example, to get a little hit of adult time while at the playground if you are burned out from cheering for the twentieth time your child's successful dismount from the slide. This use of the cell phone makes sense: it is quick, convenient, and allows a short break while not having to disrupt your activity to go home and make a call. I sometimes feel sorry for the stay-at-home parents of former generations who did not have this outlet.

It's also nice to be able to touch base with the other parent during the day. The child's just-in-time sharing of funny episodes, new accomplishments, or excitement about an adventure preserves the emotion of the moment in the telling, which I would imagine helps the kid feel more connected to the parent who is at work and vice versa.

HOWEVER, I do wonder sometimes about excessive cell phone use while watching a little one. I wonder if all of this could have a deleterious effect on kids. In former generations, parents interacted constantly with their children when out and about. Does this mean that those children of the past benefited from more social interaction with the caregiver and quicker language development?

Today, you can be pushing the stroller, talking on the phone, and drinking coffee. Instead of pointing out a bird flying over head, you are discussing your friend's latest work challenges. Instead of singing a fun little song, you are debriefing the latest Project Runway episode. Some may argue that kids benefit from overhearing this adult conversation; although the content of the conversation may be trivial, kids still can pick up vocabulary, intonation, etc. Cutting against this argument, however, is the fact that kids learn through interaction, which is why plunking a little kid in front of the TV isn't such an effective teaching tool. While chatting away on the phone, you are missing the opportunity to interact directly with the kid and teach him something.

Now, I fully recognize that people will say that if you don't have adult conversation at all and you're burned out, you're not going to be very useful as a caregiver. I get that, which is why all in moderation should be rule of thumb for "talking while caregiving."

Why Toddlers Become Demonic

I think I've figured out why toddlers, once sweet, angelic little creatures become maniacal. Some people say that toddlers are testing limits, learning about who they are, interacting with the world, yada, yada. After a 10-minute nuclear-level meltdown in the kitchen today over my toddler's desire to hold his own cup of milk, it dawned on me: toddlers become this way so we parents are more willing to let go of them. These tantrums induce sentiments like: "Is this really my child, the one I rocked for hours in the middle of the night when he was an infant, who used to lovingly grasp my finger? This little red-faced creature with the veins popping out of his neck, this is the same kid?" If toddlers continued to be those adorable, needy, melt-your-heart infants, we might be too attached, thereby never able to let them go enough for them to go to school, develop their own friendships, and go out into the world.

Through these tantrums, we begin to see our children as separate from us, individuals with their own ideas, purpose, and challenges. We parents need this lesson early lest we continue the level of physical and emotional nurturing we did when our children were infants, either out of habit or our own need for closeness with our children. This would stunt their development. Of course toddlers need physical and emotional nurturing, but in different ways than what they needed as infants. Toddlers do not need to be rocked for an hour, as infants might, because they've learned to self-soothe. A quick hug or words of reassurance usually will suffice for a toddler.

It seems, then, that while tantrums serve a purpose for toddlers, they also play a critical role in encouraging parents' to have healthy boundaries with their children. Ultimately, this helps toddlers begin the process of becoming self-actualizing, confident individuals. Or at least that's what I'm going to tell myself the next time my toddler sees fit to have a complete and utter meltdown.

New Excuses in the Age of Burgeoning Technology

While technology provides new ways of communicating and connecting, it also offers new excuses for failing to do so. Surely, some excuses are legitimate, but I have a feeling that technological mishap often is claimed inappropriately as an excuse. Here are some new excuses:

1) "Sorry I didn't email you back...

a) your email went into my spam folder so I didn't see it," or

b) my inbox was full so I couldn't email out for awhile," or

c) I accidentally deleted it because I didn't recognize your email address"

2) "My cell phone died and I lost all my contacts , so I didn't have your number."

3) "I didn't have any service/My cell battery died, so I couldn't call you back."

4) "Spell check should have caught that."

5) "No, I didn't hang up on you; I went through a dead zone."

6) "My ringer was off/The phone was on vibrate, so I didn't hear your call."

7) "I didn't mean to send that email yet; I accidentally double-clicked on the touch pad."

8) "Someone else logged into my account because I'd saved the password onto my computer."

9) "I didn't intend to call you ten times; my phone was unlocked in my bag and kept redialing."

10) "I hit 'reply all' by mistake."

A Challenge to IDEO

So IDEO (http://www.ideo.com/) has harnessed the creative genius present on its staff to design everything from the perfect salad spinner to a musical stick (a new kind of instrument). Let me now issue a challenge to IDEO: REDESIGN THE SIPPY CUP- PLEASE! While I don't have vast corporate resources to offer IDEO to pay for this redesign, I am prepared to offer a consumer observation: if you design the perfect sippy cup, you will reap huge pecuniary rewards and the gratitude of parents everywhere.

Product specifications:

• A straw to drink from that does not require strong sucking action
• No more than two pieces for the straw (ideally one piece)
• Dishwasher safe and designed so that all soap is removed from the straw during dishwashing
• A leak proof cup, lid, and straw when held upright and completely upside down (while being shaken at the same time)
• Un-splatterable (liquid does not splatter when the straw is flicked or suction is broken abruptly between the mouth and the straw)
• Able to fit into a standard cup holder in the car and on stroller cup holder attachments
• Insulated to keep beverages cold
• Easy to assemble (within 30 seconds) for parent, but hard to disassemble for a child (1-3 years old)
• Easy for a child's hands to grasp
• Made of non-toxic plastic
• Aesthetically enticing for a 1-3 year old, but without commercial characters (e.g., Dora)

Good luck!

Belly Button

It remains
once a tiny portal
of sustenance,
now folds of soft skin protect that long ago single point of vulnerability
how that mark, not quite a scar,
but a vestigal badge harkening back to earliest days,
makes my heart flutter with rememberance
of smooth, limbed movements, undulating belly,
hiccuped gasps, practiced breaths, hesitating footsteps
wherever you go,
always it will be,
a reminder of our connection

Commentary:
Before having my son, I never appreciated what the belly button represented. To me, it was always an incredibly odd part of anatomy, a nuisance, really, as it could accumulate odd little bits of material and lint. Now I understand that our belly buttons are our connection our past, to our mothers, a reminder of where we came from and who brought us here.

Introduction to my Blog

I considered the name of my blog for about 1 minute; I probably should have considered it longer since I'll be stuck with it for awhile, but the name flashed into my brain and I went with it (which may seem contradictory since the first word of the blog is "contemplative," but that's what keeps life interesting). To some the name may seem like an oxymoron: "A mom who contemplates? What?!?! About something other than diapers, sippy cups, and playgroups?"

The answer is yes. I do contemplate those trivial matters related to the every day care of my son, but I also ponder other matters: some related to parenting and others related to existential questions, world events, individuals' contributions to humanity...

I've been searching for an outlet for my thoughts and this seems as good as any. Hopefully, people will read this and it will make them think, laugh, or shake their heads in wonder at what goes on in other people's brains. Ultimately, I do hope that it will help people to understand the multiple dimensions of mamas.

My own definitions:

Contemplative: reflective, thoughtful (in the sense of thinking deeply about matters, rather than thoughtful toward others), considered

Mama: one who loves and cares for a child

Contemplative + Mama= one who thinks deeply about matters and happens to love and care for a child.

Enjoy!